TEEN LESBIANISM: Our Failure to Protect Our Daughters
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There is a day that every father dreads. It is, perhaps, his worst nightmare. The day when his daughter comes home and says, “Daddy, I have a boyfriend.” His heart skips three beats, his throat gets dry and he immediately goes to the garage and starts cleaning that ‘ole rusty 38.
Nowadays little girls’ parents are more relieved than rattled by the traditional boyfriend announcement. It sure beats the new nightmare that too many are having to endure when their daughters come home and boldly declare, “Daddy, I have a girlfriend”.
Teen lesbianism in the Black community has become rampant. It has become the “elephant in the room” that nobody wants to acknowledge. Ignored or not, the elephant is getting bigger and bigger. It is not uncommon to see school-aged girls sporting sagging jeans, wave caps, fade haircuts and “mean-mug” facial expressions. While the uniform does not necessitate lesbianism, the girl in the short skirt whose hand she is holding usually does.
I recently, saw a couple with their young child at Houston’s Hermann Park having what appeared to be a family outing. The child called out “Daddy, look at me”. When daddy turned around, I realized that “daddy” was a not a male, but rather a female. I said to myself, that little baby girl is on her way to sure confusion.
Now let me preface further commentary by officially stating that I am not a homophobic. I am aware that this is a sensitive subject for many and I do not wish to be mislabeled. This kind of issue is also often considered a political editorial “no-no”. But, if we as a community do not face our problems squarely, we can never create solutions wisely.
Truth is, we as Black men have failed our women miserably. Our mental, spiritual, psychological and emotional condition has deteriorated the hopes of some Black women so badly that being with a woman as opposed to man has become appealing. An unprecedented number of sisters are exercising that option. The mistreatment of the Black female has so disgusted some of our sisters that they are turning to one another for comfort, consolation and companionship. This has been a fact for years in the hood, but never have we seen so many teenage girls engaged in this lifestyle at such an early age.
It is a scientific, biological and social fact that “opposites attract”. You don’t have to teach a female to be attracted to the male species; her God-given nature dictates that attraction. When the natural inclination toward the opposite sex is reversed, there is a reason for that reversal. Often when a young girl is sexually molested by a man, sometimes her own father, this leaves her with an innate hatred for men in general.
Sometimes a young girl grows up witnessing her mother, whom she loves, suffer extreme abuse from a husband or a boyfriend. She sees and feels the pain of women that she loves and vows to never allow a man to violate her in that way. Wherever you see a little sister who has decided to take this course in life, remember that there is a good chance that you are looking at a victim or a witness of rape, molestation and extreme abuse. It is important that you do not improperly judge her if you would like to help her. For every cause, there is an effect. Investigate the cause before you address the condition.
I am a firm believer that if one wants to solve a problem; one must get to the root of it. Teen Lesbianism is not necessarily the problem. It is the result of the deterioration of the social fabric of society. It is the by-product of a sex-crazed world that uses sex to sell everything from grits to garbage cans. It is the direct result of the conspiracy to destroy the Black male and our willingness to be co-conspirators in our own demise. It is the direct result of the culture that degrades women as tools of pleasure and influences our young boys to treat our young girls like things and not like queens.
My impetus for writing this short message of concern is to try and create a dialogue among us about how our baby girls are hurting. Many mothers and grandmothers are heartbroken by this epidemic and don’t know what to do. The first thing that we must do is get out of denial.
We have to pay closer attention to our daughters. Everyone thinks that it could never happen to theirs until it does. Do not allow your young daughters to keep company with strange men and they should never be alone with men at all. We have to guard our daughters and protect them from the abuse of men, even if it costs us our lives. This will lessen the chances of teen lesbianism infiltrating your household.
If indeed you see some of the tell-tale signs, do not ignore them. Sit down and talk to your daughter and try to find out the root of what led her into such a lifestyle. Do not overreact and try to beat it out of her. It may be that she was raped or molested and hid it from you for years. If you are blessed to find the cause then you should try and get her some help to cope with what has happened to her. Once the healing begins then we can begin to take it further.
My dear brothers who are preachers of the gospel cannot be afraid to address this on Sunday morning. The time has come that we cannot fear the “lightening” of the collection plate. Yet, we must fear the heaviness of God’s wrath if we do not speak the truths that have power to save our people. We must use the healing power of the word of God to touch the hearts of these young girls. We must not be judgmental in our approach. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. We cannot depend on politicians to raise an issue such as this one. Most may fear that it will affect their numbers on Election Day. It is up to the men of God to facilitate the healing.
We must also develop stronger laws to punish those who violate little girls. We must teach the value of the female to every young boy so that young girls will see hope in them and not despair. The bottom line is men must be men. When we as Black men take our rightful place in our communities, Black teen lesbianism will begin to do away with itself.
(Go to www.dericmuhammad.com to order Deric Muhammad’s critically acclaimed book “A.S.A.P; A Street Activist Perspective)